Movie Star Squirrel Award Speech

Ever think up a nonsense idea that’s very, very fun to make? Here’s a speech honoring a movie-star squirrel with a Lifetime Achievement Award.

I’ve been to some interesting award shows in my day, but this one, this one takes the cake. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we honor a true legend. Someone who’s made an important impact on all our lives. Yes, tonight we are here to celebrate a squirrel. But not just any squirrel. No, no, no. We’re talking about the squirrel. The one who has given everything for their craft, who made ‘cheek-stuffing’ an art form, who made ‘randomly darting across roads’ a televised sport, and who made sure that every backyard with a birdfeeder looks like something Rube Goldberg would dream up.

Now, when we think of squirrels, we don’t think of them as the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, do we? I mean, who else would bury their food, then forget where they buried it? But this squirrel, this magnificent, scrappy, bushy-tailed individual, has defied the odds. A true legend. This is a squirrel who has cracked open more nuts than any of us could ever dream of, and let’s face it, we all had that one friend who could never remember where they hid their stash. This squirrel though? Never lost a nut.

I don’t care if you’re a dog lover, a cat person, or if you have an iguana that thinks it’s an elephant. You can’t help but be in awe of this squirrel. The way he scales a tree, leaps across power lines, dodges cars, and STILL manages to look like he’s just casually strolling through the neighborhood.

And let’s talk about his work ethic. You know the story, ‘Oh, the squirrel’s just gathering food for the winter!’ No, this is a dedicated professional. This squirrel wakes up at the crack of dawn, well, more like crack of mid-morning, but still, he’s out there hustling, collecting, planning, plotting. He makes our best entrepreneurs look lazy.

So tonight, it’s my privilege to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to someone who truly deserves it. The squirrel who has given us endless entertainment, unpredictable moments, and is still the only creature on this planet who can make a bag of peanuts look like an Oscar.

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Sir Nutty the Squirrel!